Melbourne Cup outfit and makeup

A couple of weeks ago I received my Meal in Monaco dress from Modcloth. I'm planning to wear it to the Melbourne Cup in November, along with a cheap and awesome top hat fascinator and some heals for as long as I can stand them. At this rate I'm expecting to have to go in a wheelchair, so heels will be on if that's the case because fuck it, I'm not walking. If I'm feeling good I might wear them for an hour or so and cling to everyone. I don't have very good balance and so I'm worried about that most of all, not my ability to withstand heels. One of my biggest troubles with fibro is muscle strength, and my balance and ability to hold myself up is a mere 50% at the best of times.

Anyway, so this is how it looks. Excuse my face, this was a really bad fibro day and I hadn't showered for three days or so. I did brush my hair for you though, aren't I nice.

The dress is really good quality and definitely worth the money. It does run small, I sized up just in-case because it's easier to alter it that way, and so I'm glad I did. I'm 172cm (5'7) and 60kg (132lbs) and I got a medium, and it just fits around my ribs. I am pretty broad though. But yeah, size on up. I love it, even if I do feel a bit manly with my shoulders all out there. I can't help but feel that they're huge. Even so, the dress is so lovely I'ma say fuck it and work that broad shoulder shit until I die from it.

I also practiced with the makeup I bought for it, though it shows up more pink/purple IRL. I'm so damn pale, the camera just washes the paler colours out. I'm starting to get the hang of winged eyeliner. A big help was finally buying some gel eyeliner and a good brush. That shit is AMAZING. I use Wet N Wild Mega Eyes gel eyeliner with either the Coastal Scent eyeliner brush, or the Elf small angled brush. I find the angled brush to be easier to use, which really surprised me. I get all of my makeup, save the 'brand' stuff, from Crush Cosmetics. I did try the Crush Cosmetics gel eyeliner, but it wasn't as pigmented as the Wet N Wild, and was a lot dryer and harder to apply. So this look is Wet N Wild Mega Eyes eyeliner, NYX Ultra Pearl Mania pigments in yellow gold, white pearl, and lilac.I applied the gold pigment wet, and though I'm not big on the colour gold, I think it's my favourite of the three. So damn pretty, like a Cleopatra gold. The lips are NYX Mega Shine Lip Gloss in plush red with a Clinique clear lipgloss  (so long ago, don't remember what it was called and the label has smudged off, but it smells like turkish delight and is awesome) over the top. Damn, so pigmented, and it stains really well which is good if you want to wipe it off and apply a clear gloss over the top, it's really pretty. But this NYX line is my favourite, I have several and love all of them.

I won't go with the red for the Cup, probably stick with my trusty sweet heart (my favourite NYX Mega Shine) but I am happy with the shadow. I might put the colour higher up and bolder, because it's the freaking Melbourne Cup and it demands outrageous.

I've also got some half lashes in, which was my first time ever using false lashes of any sort. They turned out lovely and made me feel so delicate. They're Glameyes in Alicia, and they're really good quality. Though it's my first time using lashes, I've had experience with them, and these are really soft and flexible compared to to others I'v played with. I'm a bit of a makeup noob, I've been wearing it for years but never really put the effort in or cared much about technique or products. I'm glad I took that step, I really love makeup and it's something I can do even when I'm sick. Not on bad days, but still. People are finally starting to understand that i don't put it on for other people. I love to put it on, it's like painting, it's fun. Plus, I feel pretty with it on, I do it for me. It's like a weird therapy.

And aw, doesn't Templeton look happy on my arm there. I love my tattoo so much, I just can't put it into words. I'll have to show some of the nice things people have said about it to show Tom, I think he'd be pretty stoked considering how he nearly died doing the damn thing. I have ideas for the other arm, another owl. I see Templeton as the masculine side, with the city and rivers, and the lightning bolts, a big 'strength' kind of commentary I suppose. And so Glossum (because I like that name) will be the feminine owl, with cherry blossums and more... garden inspired things, in pinks and purples and oranges, like a sunset/sunrise. Same sort of shape too with the clouds around them, though they'll both eventually cover my whole upper arm.

I like naming my tattoos, they're special. My green wrist owl's name is Marvin. He'll one day be joined by a bat and a sloth, my other two favourite animals. I like things in trees it seems. They don;t have names yet, though. I have to wait and see what they look like. I know I'm strange, I don't pretend I'm not XD

Anyway, Chris should be home from work soon, and so I'll finish up. Thanks for looking <3

Outfit of the day!

I bought this top/dress a while back and it finally arrived! I did that thing (and you know what I mean) when you strip down instantly and try it on, because it has an owl on it! WOO. I have a 'thing' for owls and what I mean, really, is that I have a minor obsession with owls. I have two permanently etched on my skin and plan on more, a slew of things with owls on them, and owl things in general. If I could have a pet owl I would. If they didn't vomit bones and try to violently mate with me, anyway.

Top: Emperor Eternity

Shorts: Jay Jays (seriously old jeans, cut of into shorts)

Stockings: Somewhere like Dotti or Forever New.

Necklaces: Ebay. Tree one was a gift from Chris.

Chris and I are going to see Fright Night tonight which I'm pretty excited about. Not much else to talk about, I didn't get much sleep because I forgot to talk my medication and woke up in pain. That's never fun, but oh well. Try again tonight.

I am tired.

I'm on sleeping pills by doctors instructions. They are not working. I tired to tell him they didn't work last time, but clearly his medical opinion is more valid than my personal experience with the drug... Despite him treating me with the same drug last time. Sometimes I wonder if people actually listen to what I say, or if they just stare at my hair.

I would like one night of sleep. Uninterrupted sleep is the holy grail at the moment. I would kill for a whole night of sleep. KILLLLLLLLLL.

Of blogs and things.

I've always felt closer to sanity after I've written things down. I don't handle my emotions well and get pretty flustered and irrational. Taking the time to write how I feel gives me a perspective that I take more time to find if I just whinge and cry and blame everything else.

I think a misconception of blogs are, probably because they're usually shared publicly, is that people write them for attention, and in a way I guess it's true. I want to feel validated. I don't want to be praised, just acknowledged in a vague way. A big reason for me is because I am very sensitive, and I care a lot about what people think. I don't always care about their thoughts of me because I've come to realise hardly anyone thinks about other people in that way most people feel so paranoid about, but some of us do have that desire to be counted as a human being, with thoughts and ideas, even if they aren't as fabulous as some of the greater minds... or as wickedly tempting as the less... greater.

In a somewhat unrelated way, I want to share my life and my existence with someone, because while it is small and meaningless in the grand scheme of things, yes, it's also beautiful and tragically amazing that we, as complex organisms in a tiny dot floating about the universe, have resided to this need to feel validated, because maybe some of us feel that we should matter, not as some special snowflake better than someone else, but as an individual never to exist again in the history of anything. That history just flies by us, the regular people, and why should we matter any less? We are just as beautiful and complex as any other, we have thoughts and emotions and lives worth sharing. Why should it be considered vain to want to share a life, especially considering the feat of the internet and the ease of it all. It's not about caring, it's about sharing. It's about feeling validated, not being validated.

When you can go back and look at your own life as a series of exact posts, filled with emotions and stories of experiences you've usually forgotten about. You come across pictures you never would have bothered put in a photo album, if that were the 'thing' we did these days. I wish I could go back through my mothers blog and see what she was like as a human being, rather than just 'mum'. She's become someone else now, and it's lost forever to people who didn't know her then, and I think that's really sad. All I have is what she'll tell me, and yet I know more about strangers, and everyone else knows these same intimate details. I find snippets of my parent's lives as though they were once, oh god, people, and not just my parents.

There's something special about going through old diaries and wondering where they are now, and I find old blogs and get that same ache. I just want to feel validated, like someday my kids will think, "I wonder if my mother ever felt alone like this, or felt so in love like this," and I don't have to say a word, because they know. They know that people of all sorts feel and experience this shit of an amazing life, because with words in random blogs you can relate to people you'd never even think about or meet.

I think that's about as deep as I'll get. The rest will be my actual life, which is by far the most exciting thing I've ever done.